Pattern · Social
Networking fear: how to walk up to someone new
Networking is hard mostly because it's unscripted. You don't know how to start, what to ask, or how to leave. Give yourself those three pieces and it becomes a much smaller task.
Updated Sep 26, 2026 · 5 min read
What it can feel like
- “You stand near the snacks, pretending to check your phone.”
- “You RSVP to events, then find a reason not to go.”
- “Coffee chats feel like interviews you didn't prepare for.”
Common ways people avoid it
- Only talking to people you already know
- Leaving events early
- Saying yes to chats then rescheduling indefinitely
Practical preparation
Have one opener
“Hi, I'm [Name] — what brings you here tonight?” works almost anywhere. You don't need anything clever.
Bring three questions
“How did you get into [field]?”, “What's a typical week like?”, “What would you do differently if you were starting now?”
Plan your exit
“It was great to meet you — I'm going to grab a drink. Mind if I connect on LinkedIn?” Knowing how to leave makes it easier to start.
Set a small target
Aim for two conversations, not twenty. Two good ones beat a stack of business cards.
Coffee-chat opener
Thanks so much for making time. I'd love to hear how you got into [field] — and anything you wish you'd known when you were starting out.
Small actions you can take this week
- 1RSVP to one event and put it on your calendar.
- 2Prepare your opener and three questions.
- 3Introduce yourself to one person.
- 4Send one follow-up message within 24 hours.
How Dareflow can help
Dareflow generates openers, questions and follow-ups for your specific event or person, lets you practise the conversation with AI, and turns “go to networking events” into a ladder of manageable steps.
Questions
What if I run out of things to say?
Ask a follow-up about something they just said. “What was that like?” keeps most conversations going naturally.
Is it weird to go to events alone?
Most people at networking events arrived alone or split up quickly. Being alone makes you more approachable, not less.
Dareflow is a career preparation and action-planning tool. It isn't therapy or medical care and doesn't diagnose or treat any condition.